Pardon the lack of posting. I have been wanting to write for eons now, but I wasn't able to blab about the primary issue in my world right now until some legal issues had been hashed out. Life gives us hills and valleys to traverse, and mine has been in a valley for quite awhile now. I found it difficult to focus on anything, let alone speak to frugality. I was just trying to keep my head above water.
I wrote a bit ago about being back in debt (credit and car) after escaping a couple of years ago. Health issues were the primary cause for both, as the only quality care I could get required out of pocket spending, and transportation issues required that my ample ass purchase a car. Not exactly fun stuff. In the course of the past three months, I have had another health setback, filed for divorce and buried my father. Good times, y'all. Good times.
The divorce has been largely amicable, as much as these things can be. It's taken an ugly turn here or there, but I'm doing my best to embrace the suck and soldier through it. Lord knows I am much happier now that I am no longer in a miserable situation. I should note for all you glorious newlyweds out there--my marriage was ultimately about a green card and being able to continue to date, as my boyfriend-then-husband is from the UK. There was no grand proposal or tales of life long commitment at the time. But still, it's seven years of my life (3.5 hitched) that is now done. It's difficult. The stress of it doesn't help my health woes (which are ultimately going to be fine, praise the all the fishies in the sea), and having my father's unexpected death didn't make the process of loss and grief any easier. It's been a rough road. But, as one of my favorite sayings goes, "Shit could be worse." Can I get a witness?
Feeling wounded, I stopped focusing on self-care in virtually every arena. I just checked out. I would say I've largely been checked out for a couple of years now. I would advise y'all against that kind of coping mechanism. I have learned through this ordeal that the most critical thing we need to do in times of crisis is to stay awake at the wheel. If we don't, shit just gets worse. Work piled up, I missed crucial deadlines, health issues flared up, on and on. Thankfully, I have an extremely understanding boss (who has been just amazeballs), and a gaggle of friends who continually blow my mind with their rockstar support. I've slowly been waking up, putting my hands at ten and two, and taking control of things again.
One of the areas that I'm wrangling is, of course, my budget. My expenses have increased, and I no longer have someone paying half of the bills. Not the best combo. Thankfully, I have some kick ass skills over the years that I've gained in living a consciously frugal life, and they are coming in mighty handy right now. I'll be boring the five of you left here with those tales over the next few months.
I know we all must go through the loss of our parents, but damn, it's not easy. Like most everyone else, I had a complicated relationship with my father. But I loved him, and was loved by him, with a fierceness that kept me grounded. I believe firmly that time is not linear, and we can choose the moments in which we life. I choose to live in the moments where my father was at his best. These are the three best bits of wisdom my father gave me, and I've done my best to set my compass to these shining stars:
Don't take any shit.
You need a man like you need a hole in the head.
(In response to a weight loss infomercial) Don't ever hate yourself to make some asshole rich.
Here's to the upswing and better days, y'all.